


Rewrite The Stars

by lfg1986



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF, Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Eventual Smut, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Songfic, but then later canon divergent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:09:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25112149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lfg1986/pseuds/lfg1986
Summary: Based on the songs from The Greatest Showman.  Timothee Chalamet has been dreaming of a life in the spotlight for as long as he can remember.  Determined to be one of the great actors of his time, he knows he has what it takes to make it big and will stop at nothing to turn his dreams into reality.  But when the role of a lifetime comes to him at the tender age of 17, he finds himself on a path that he never could have imagined.  Falling in love with his older, married co-star hadn't been in the plans, but he soon realizes that maybe there are more important things in life than being the best actor of his generation.  But despite promising Armie that they can make their own way in the industry, together, the lure of fame is not easily ignored, and Timmy must decide what he's willing to sacrifice to get everything he's ever dreamed of.  Can he can find a way to rewrite their script to ensure he can have both the career he's always wanted and the love he knows is written in the stars?
Relationships: Timothée Chalamet/Armie Hammer
Comments: 78
Kudos: 105





	1. A Million Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this has been a project that has been a long time in the making. I had the original idea of just doing a one-shot based on the song Rewrite The Stars from The Greatest Showman, because the song itself and the scene in the movie are both incredible. And then one day a few months back, I was listening to the soundtrack at work, and...inspiration struck. I was suddenly filled with visions of how I could use all of the songs together as a backbone to create a full series based on the timeline of filming, the promo tour, and beyond. And while I realize this concept has been done to death, I couldn't help being excited over the idea of using the concepts of each song to help tell this particular story in a (hopefully) fresh way. So I started writing this a couple months ago and got a couple chapters done before I got sidetracked by other projects that needed to take priority. But because this one has a finite number of chapters and many of them will be a bit shorter than my usual fare, I thought I could start posting and continuing to work on it while I'm finishing up my other WIP, and it shouldn't interfere with my updating that. I will be posting chapters of this each Monday, unless there's some unforeseen emergency that keeps me from doing so. Anyway, this is a super long intro, but I hope you will enjoy taking this journey as much as I have enjoyed writing it so far.
> 
> This chapter is more of a prologue than a proper chapter, with a lot more overview/exposition than most other chapters will consist of, so it's also very short. It's based around the song "A Million Dreams" from the movie. I would encourage you all to look it up on Youtube (I would suggest finding the scene from the movie if you can) so you can get a better feel of the basis I was using for the chapter. Enjoy! <333

_**Every night I lie in bed_   
_The brightest colors fill my head_   
_A million dreams are keeping me awake_   
_I think of what the world could be_   
_A vision of the one I see_   
_A million dreams is all it's gonna take_   
_A million dreams for the world we're gonna make**_

  
From the age he could walk, and some say even before that, Timmy has known he was going to be a big star. He doesn’t remember a time when he wasn’t entertaining people in some capacity, going from one thing to the next, but always driven by the attention and praise he received.

He would dream in bright, vivid colors, imagining his life on a grander scale than most of his peers ever dared to. He tried many different avenues to exercise his creative voice, but once he found his true calling in the acting world, the dreams only became more intense, more real. He knew in his heart what he wanted, and he was going to put all his energy into chasing the dream he was so desperate to fulfil.

As he grew from a child to a young man, the dreams started keeping him awake, the swirling lights and colors of a life he knew was waiting for him became so real, he swore he was already living it. His inner life became his safe place, a vibrant, technicolor world where he could explore and thrive and create things in a way he wasn’t yet able to outside of it. And though he made a few close friends, he mostly retreated into himself as a way to keep his dreams from fading into the monochrome obscurity he saw happening with so many of his peers.

He would spend hours each day on the stage of his mind, acting out the roles he knew he was destined to play one day, spurred on by the thunderous applause and bright lights, the smiles of everyone around him as he turned in performance after performance that would bring him accolades and praise. 

And though he sometimes grew lonely because he didn’t quite fit in, the intensity of his drive began to pay off when he became a teenager. Though he didn’t have the kind of chiseled good looks of most Hollywood leading men, his charisma and tenacity as well as his raw talent afforded him the opportunity to begin making his dreams a reality. He managed to get a few small guest appearances on tv shows, even recurring on one once he hit high school. He found an agent, got a couple bit roles in movies, and successfully managed to shove his foot in the door to the world he’d been dreaming about since birth.

His popularity grew, and suddenly his vibrant inner world and his reality started to collide in ways that both thrilled him and filled him with an anxiety he hadn’t been predicting. Nonetheless, he continued to chase his prize, never stopping to consider what might happen when he finally caught it.

But when he was 17, his agent handed him the script that would change his life forever in ways he never could have expected. When he read it, he immediately saw himself in the role, knowing this was the project he’d been waiting for since he began his career. It wasn’t one he imagined would get much attention, but would allow him to explore a rich world within himself as an actor, which was what he truly craved.

After an enlightening conversation with the iconic James Ivory, he officially became attached to play Elio Perlman in the adaptation of Call Me By Your Name. His dreams morphed into ones of an idyllic Italian summer, and he could practically feel the warm breeze on his face as he delved deeper into the mind of the precocious and moody teen he was set to play.

The date was set to start filming in summer, but changes and delays keep it from starting as planned. Timmy booked more roles in small movies, enjoying the work and the chance to evolve and grow in his craft. But his mind often drifted to the role he knew was waiting for him, when the timing was right. He read the book more times than he could count, each time adding new notes in the margins and looking at the story from a new angle. Every so often he would get word that the film was still moving forward, but things were shifting and changing and he worried that it might not ever happen. After expressing his fears to his agent, who over the years had become more of a friend, the only answer he got was, “Just hold on. It’ll happen when it’s meant to.”

So he did. He held on to the hope of seeing the role through to fruition, all the while honing his skills and trying new things and gaining experience as a working actor. All the while his dreams began to sharpen, the kaleidoscope of colors shifting into a clearer picture of the man he would become one day, of the life that was so close he felt he could reach out and practically touch it. 

The call finally came nearly two years later, on a chilly day in late winter of 2015.

Luca Guadagnino’s soft, Italian lilt came over the line, and a mix of hope and dread spread through Timmy’s body. His fears were quickly assuaged with Luca’s opening line. “The movie is happening. Not to worry.”

As Timmy breathed a sigh of relief, Luca went on to explain the current plan for things, and how he had taken over as director from James. Timmy was surprised, but not in the least disappointed. Both directors made fantastic films, and he was just happy to be involved in such a special project. His mind began to wander and as Luca continued to talk about the logistics, he was already wondering who his co-star would be and how they would get along.

When he tuned back in, he just caught the bit about them beginning production in May, but Luca wanted him out there a few weeks early to begin rehearsals for the piano and Italian. He certainly wasn’t going to turn down more time in Italy.

“Oh, and I have found you the perfect Oliver. I just have to convince him to agree.”

When Luca told him the name, his breath caught in his throat. He’d seen his films and knew what a great actor he was. He was suddenly nervous, the idea of filming such intimate scenes with an actor he’d admired for years made a knot form in his stomach. But the more he considered it, his fears melted into excited anticipation.

That night when he dreamed, it felt so vivid and real, he woke to the smell of cappuccino and the feel of soft grass under his fingertips, and a voice, like warm honey with a touch of bourbon, echoing in his ear. He blinked open his eyes to find goosebumps all over his body, and his heart racing in his chest. One thing was for certain, this would be a summer he would never forget.


	2. The Other Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! So, since the first chapter was so short, and I am super excited about this chapter, I was too impatient to wait until next Monday to update, so you get a double dose this week. I will still be posting chapter 3 next Monday, as well. :D
> 
> Also, just a point of note that maybe no one but me will even notice, lol. But if you're familiar with the soundtrack/movie, you may have noticed that the first chapter/song wasn't technically the first one on the soundtrack, and this one is also out of order. Almost all of the chapters will be in sequence from here on out, but this one in particular I needed to move up in order for it to fit the timeline/plot I wanted to use for it. Probably no one cares but just in case anyone was wondering. Once we get past chapter 4, all the other chapters/songs will be in order (with The Greatest Show being the finale), so if you're familiar with the story, you might have a hint of what's coming next. ;)
> 
> And lastly, thank you so much for the lovely comments and kudos and other feedback. It's so wonderful to see there are other fan of The Greatest Showman around here, and I hope that you enjoy what I do with fitting Timmy and Armie's story into the world of the music from it. Love you all! <3

_Don't you wanna get away from the same old part you gotta play_   
_'Cause I got what you need, so come with me and take the ride_   
_It'll take you to the other side_   
_'Cause you can do like you do_   
_Or you can do like me_   
_Stay in the cage, or you'll finally take the key_   
_Oh, damn! Suddenly you're free to fly_   
_It'll take you to the other side_

“You need to do this film.”

Armie looks up from his near-empty glass of scotch with weary eyes. “It’s a great script, but—”

“But nothing. You need this.”

“I’m just not sure that I’m the right guy for this particular role.”

“I disagree.”

Armie sighs, exasperation rolling off him in waves. This is not the first time he’s had this conversation. Or the second. Or the third. Ever since he first laid eyes on the script for Call Me By Your Name, his agent carefully sliding it across the table in front of him with a look of hesitation mixed with the tiniest bit of hopefulness, he’s been engaged in a tug of war with not only himself, but more aggressively, Luca.

When he’d finished it for the first time, his first thoughts had been that this was an amazing project and meaty role…for someone else. The level of emotional and physical intimacy coupled with the raw vulnerability needed to play Oliver was something he had never attempted before, and wasn’t sure he was ready to try now. Maybe he never would be.

But when he attempted to politely decline the offer, Luca was not exactly willing to hear “no”. And Armie respected the hell out of the man, enough to have another conversation with him about it. But he still hadn’t been convinced that he could do this role justice. But all his protestations fell on deaf ears. And over the next several weeks, they’d had several more conversations about it, wherein Armie continued to voice his doubts and Luca waved them all off, insisting it was his role. He felt his resolve weakening, and when Luca ended up in LA for a few meetings with one of the producers of the project, he had insisted that he and Armie have a drink together.

Which is how he finds himself now in Luca’s hotel room, already having finished two rounds of whiskey and trying to decide if a third would be a good idea or would wind up getting him into trouble.

“Listen, Armie, you’re just afraid, it’s perfectly normal with this kind of material.”

Armie bristles at the suggestion, and he’d like nothing more than to dispute it, but he knows he can’t. Luca’s right, he _is_ afraid. More like scared shitless. And he knows he can’t try to claim otherwise. Luca isn’t one for bullshit, which is part of the reason why he respects him so much.

“Ok, yeah, I am. I feel like I’m allowed to be.”

Luca lets out a half-scoff, half-laugh. “Of course you are, this is some scary shit! Being that open with another soul is terrifying. But it’s also one of the most satisfying experiences you can have in this life.”

Armie can’t exactly argue that point, but it doesn’t change the fact that he still isn’t sure that he can make himself go there and have it be believable. He’s spent a lifetime existing behind a series of carefully curated walls, and to truly get into this character, and do it justice, he’d have to knock them all down. And he’s not sure he’ll be able to handle what he finds on the other side.

“I really appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I just don’t think it’s the right move for me.”

There’s silence for a beat, Luca just looking at him with an expression that Armie can’t even begin to interpret, and he’s honestly a bit afraid to try. And then he hears a contemplative hum coming from across the room and he really isn’t sure what to make of that, either. He waits for Luca to say something, but no words follow.

Instead, Luca carefully uncrosses his legs and pushes out of his chair to walk over to the makeshift bar behind Armie. He fills his glass with another round of whiskey, then brings the bottle over to Armie’s glass, making to pour him another round as well.

“I really shouldn’t…”

But Luca ignores him completely, pouring the brown liquid into the glass with a look on his face that leaves no room for argument. Once he puts the bottle down again, Luca takes a sip of his drink and leans against the edge of the table that’s situated between them. When Luca continues to just stare at him without speaking, Armie tries to find a graceful way to end the conversation.

“I’m excited to see what you do with the project, I just think it’s best if you find someone else more suited to that kind of role. I’m just not him.”

Luca’s eyes narrow, but he stays quiet for another long minute before he finally speaks.

“So are you going to spend your whole life making the safe choices, never trying to see what you’re really made of as an actor?”

The words cut deep, putting a voice to one of Armie’s biggest insecurities without even a hint of sugar-coating. He tries not to flinch, but he knows Luca can sense his assessment hit close to home.

“You’ve been defined by your movie star looks for most of your career, and what has it gotten you? A couple of big-budget flops and a bunch of bit roles that don’t showcase where you really shine.”

Armie can feel the heat creeping up his face, not sure if it’s the effect of the whiskey or the conversation. A bead of sweat begins to form along his hairline, and he scrambles for a way out of this before Luca tells him something he isn’t ready to hear.

“What makes you think I’m not happy with my career? I’m getting steady work, and yeah I’ve had a few setbacks, but I’m doing just fine for myself, thanks.”

“Bullshit.”

Armie should have expected that Luca wouldn’t let him off the hook that easily, but his bluntness still catches him off guard. His mouth opens in an attempt to argue his point, but Luca cuts him off by holding up his hand.

“No. You want to lie to yourself, fine. But you can’t lie to me. I can see beyond all that. And I know that the kinds of roles you’re doing right now are not what made you want to be an actor. You’re letting your fear of failing keep you from growing into the artist you really want to be.”

There isn’t really much he can say to that, deep down knowing that Luca is right but not sure that he’s ready to admit it just yet. He’s spent so much time being told what kind of actor he _should_ be, the kind of roles he _should_ take, somewhere along the way he lost sight of what he really wanted out of it in the first place. And he’s allowed his decisions to be dictated by what would pay the bills and keep a roof over his family’s head, instead of what gives him a sense of pride and accomplishment or personal fulfilment.

“I see the potential for what you can become, but you have to trust me. You have to trust _yourself_. You need to play this role because it scares you. It’s the only way to free yourself from the cage your fear keeps you locked in. And there will be countless opportunities waiting for you on the other side of the bars.”

He isn’t sure if it’s the two and a half glasses of whiskey going to his head or just the realization that Luca is not going to give up until he gets what he wants, by any means necessary, but suddenly all the fight and resistance leave his body and he knows there’s only one way this ends.

Taking a deep breath and hoping to god he doesn’t end up regretting what he’s about to say, he sets his now empty glass on the small table beside him and stands up, walking the few feet to stand directly in front of Luca.

“I have conditions.”

Luca has the audacity to look smug, like this was all a forgone conclusion and he’d just been waiting for Armie to get over himself and see it his way. Bastard.

“Of course. Go ahead.”

Armie narrows his eyes, trying not to let the fact that Luca is clearly enjoying this get to him. He supposes it could be worse, Luca could be outright gloating, but he’s still not thrilled at feeling so off-kilter about the whole situation. So he attempts to take back a bit of control before he starts to second-guess the whole affair.

“I want a ‘no nudity’ clause. I know the script is pretty explicit in places, but I don’t want my kid having to see my dick splashed all over the internet.”

Luca pushes off the table and stands at his full height, still not as tall as Armie but more eye-to-eye. “I’m sure we can figure something out, work around certain angles or tweak the script to make it less sexual and more about the sensuality of their romance. I promise we will make it tasteful. What else?”

Armie’s a bit shocked at how easily Luca had agreed, but it goes a long way to putting his mind at ease about the decision to move forward. “I want to have my family with me on location, at least for part of the time. It’s our deal for me being away so much.”

It takes a few seconds longer for Luca to answer this time, but eventually he nods slowly. “As long as they don’t interfere or distract from the filming process, we can make that work.”

Letting out a slow breath, he returns the nod, grateful to have a bit of say in possibly one of the most terrifying roles of his life. When he looks back up at Luca, he’s got an expectant look on his face.

“Was there anything else?”

Armie takes a second to consider what else he could ask for, but there’s only one thing that comes to mind. “Yeah, one more thing.” He pauses, summoning all of his courage to make his final request. “Please don’t let me fail.”

The look Luca gives him makes his chest tighten with emotion, and the smile that that breaks out on his face a second later is so warm, it’s like it came from the sun itself. Luca takes a step forward, bringing their faces within inches of each other, and he reaches out with both hands and cups the side of his face.

“You have my word. I can’t offer a lot of money, and there’s no guarantee anyone will see the movie when it’s finished, but I swear to you, you will give Oliver the voice he deserves. This is your role to play, I’ve always known it. And it will change your life if you let it.”

Armie can feel the prick of tears forming in the corners of his eyes, but blinks them away as he nods, trying to salvage what’s left of his dignity before he’s too embarrassed to face the man who will direct him in one of the most challenging roles of his career so far.

Letting out a long sigh, more for dramatic effect than anything else, he finally accepts his fate. “All right, where do I sign?”

The loud exclamation of excitement that rips from Luca’s throat startles him, but Luca still has his face between his hands, and a second later Luca leans in to kiss him soundly on the forehead before finally moving back, his face breaking out into a blinding grin.

They switch to wine for their celebratory drink, and Armie spends the next two hours with Luca, going over the all the questions he has about the role and the story as a whole, and getting used to the idea of taking on something so unlike anything he’s ever done before. When Luca tells him about the boy he found to play Elio, he can’t deny that he’s intrigued. It almost sounds too good to be true, but Luca assures him that they will fall in love with each other. Armie snorts a laugh, but upon seeing Luca’s very serious face, he begins to wonder just what he’s gotten himself into.

But by the time he walks out of Luca’s hotel and arrives back home to tell his wife the news, he finds himself at peace with the decision and even the tiniest bit excited about what’s to come. He’d been stuck in the same place in his career for too long, and he’s finally ready for a change, even one that scares him as much as this does.

And later that night, when he looks up the actor who’s set to play the role of Elio opposite him, he gets the distinct feeling that he’s in for more than just a few weeks in Italy making a movie. That maybe Luca had been right – this experience could end up changing his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that the next chapter will finally have Timmy and Armie interacting, lol. And it will be based around the song "A Million Dreams Reprise", so...stay tuned! :D


	3. A Million Dreams (Reprise)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, lovely readers! <3
> 
> This is the first of 2 "reprise" chapters in this story (the other one comes near the end), which revisits a particular theme from a previous chapter. This one deals with Timmy's dreams that were mentioned in the first chapter, and this time it incorporates Armie into the mix. Woo! So here we have the first chapter where they finally meet and begin to get to know one another in Crema. I hope you enjoy it! :D
> 
> Thank you so much for the lovely feedback on the first 2 chapters. I know this is a bit more niche than my other stuff but it's so nice to see that people are excited about it and are enjoying the ride so far. And there's plenty more still to come! <333

_However big, however small_   
_Let me be part of it all_   
_Share your dreams with me_   
_You may be right, you may be wrong_   
_But say that you'll bring me along_   
_To the world you see_   
_To the world I close my eyes to see_   
_I close my eyes to see_

“You did not!”

“Yep, totally did.”

“That’s insane!”

“Well, I’m a little bit insane.”

There’s a burst of giggles coming from somewhere next to his knee, and Armie can’t help the grin that breaks out at the sound. It’s quickly becoming his new favorite pastime to find new ways to elicit that sound from his young co-star.

He’s been in Crema for just over a week, and they officially start filming tomorrow. He can’t help but be a little nervous, although after having spent the last week with Timmy, and making it through their one rehearsal in Luca’s backyard which effectively broke the ice around their physical boundaries, he knows he’s in safe hands to go to the places he’ll need to for this role. But there’s still a bit of lingering doubt that he’ll be able to pull it off.

Timmy, on the other hand, seems unfazed by the intimate nature of the material. Armie knows he’s a bit nervous about the technical side of the piano and guitar scenes, but every time they run lines together, Timmy completely transforms into Elio, so in his element that Armie sometimes has a hard time distinguishing Elio from Timmy when they finish.

But right now, they are both high and laying on the floor of his apartment, and Elio is nowhere in sight. This is pure Timmy, giggly and awkward and asking him a million questions about how he grew up. Apparently the anecdote about how Armie set fire to the lawn of his middle school is the most hilarious thing in the world to him when he’s baked.

When Timmy’s giggling finally subsides, a comfortable silence falls over them for a few minutes, the only thing Armie can hear is the sound of their mixed breathing, Timmy’s slightly louder and more shallow than his own. His mind drifts to wondering what it will be like when they start shooting tomorrow. Wonders if it will feel like every other filming experience he’s ever had, or if this one will somehow feel different.

“Are you excited for tomorrow?”

Timmy’s voice cuts through the air, startling him. The question itself shouldn’t even be surprising at this point; Timmy seems to have this uncanny way of tapping into his brain and constantly reading his thoughts. It had been a little unnerving at first, how connected they seemed to be mentally, having just met and being almost a decade apart in age. But after about the second day, it began to feel like a strange sort of comfort, knowing the person who would be playing his lover was naturally so in tune with him. 

He hasn’t needed any special decoding skills to be able to read Timmy, though. The kid lets every emotion play out on his face from beginning to end, no filter whatsoever. It’s fascinating to watch it happen, to see the complete openness that children have but usually lose by the time they hit puberty. Not Timmy, though. He somehow managed to hang onto that quality into his young adulthood. Armie just worries about what the unrelenting pressures of Hollywood will do to someone who is so open with their emotions.

“More like terrified.” He lets out a self-deprecating huff, trying to tamp down on the anxiety that’s starting to swirl in his gut.

“Why?”

Armie angles his head down far enough so that he can squint at Timmy through the haze of smoke that still hangs in the air between them. He continues to be amazed at how easily this all seems to come to Timmy, like it’s a completely foreign concept for this intensely intimate material to be the least bit scary.

“I’m just not used to digging this deep within myself for my roles. Luca seems to think I can do it, but –“

“You will. There’s no better Oliver out there. It just comes down to trusting Luca, and yourself.”

All Armie can do is stare in awe at this boy who’s just starting out in the business and already has more confidence in his little pinky than he’s had for his entire career. It’s no wonder Luca wouldn’t even consider anyone else to play Elio; Timmy is a force to be reckoned with. He knows what he wants and he will go after it with the same determination that Elio had when he went after Oliver. He suddenly realizes he doesn’t need to worry about Hollywood eating Timmy alive, but rather the other way around.

“How do you do that?”

Timmy, who had been looking up at the ceiling up until now, turns his head to the side so he can meet Armie’s eyes.

“What?”

If he wasn’t already so fond of him, it would be infuriating how Timmy doesn’t even consider the possibility of failure. It’s like he doesn’t know how to turn in anything less than a stellar performance, and he just blindly trusts that everyone else is the same.

“Have so much conviction that everything will work out? Where did all that unwavering confidence come from?”

Timmy just looks at him for a minute, seemingly confused by the question, until finally he just shrugs, turning back to look back at the ceiling again.

“I’ve had dreams about it.”

Armie blinks slowly, once, twice, and on the third time tries to open his mouth to speak, but no words come out for several more seconds.

“You… _what_?”

Timmy blows out a long breath before slowly shifting into a sitting position, pulling his knees up and wrapping his arms around them, hugging them to his chest.

“I have these…dreams. I’ve been having them for as long as I can remember. They’ve been guiding me, showing me the life I can have. Sometimes I think they’re more like premonitions than just dreams. I can see exactly where I’m going in them, the life I’m destined for. They’ve been the only constant thing in my life, so I figure that has to mean something. I never really bothered to question it, I just know that I’m meant for something more. And I can feel that this role is a part of that somehow, so I know whatever happens, it will be ok. I’ve been attached to this movie for 3 years, I can feel that it will be something special.”

Armie can only stare up at him, caught between disbelief and awe at what Timmy is telling him. But there’s a part of him that can sense it’s the truth. Timmy is not just your average 20 year old kid, he possesses something unique and rare inside him that will set him apart from the rest. He’s known it since the moment they met, really, he just never gave the sentiment its proper due until now. Listening to Timmy describe how he knows he’s destined for big things, Armie knows without a shadow of a doubt that it’s true. And he also realizes what a rare gift it is to be able to work with him at this stage of his career, still full of raw, untapped talent and potential, and hungry to show the world what he’s made of.

Armie watches as Timmy starts to fidget with his pant leg, teeth worrying at his bottom lip as he waits for Armie to say something. He slowly scoots himself up into a sitting position, angling to lean back against the side of the bed.

“I wish I had something like that. I’d love to know that I’m not just wasting my time doing this. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, but some days I feel like what I’m chasing is just an illusion, it’s not real. I’d love to have dreams like yours, to know I’m actually on the right path.”

Timmy lifts his head to look over at him, eyeing him with a strange sort of curiosity that makes his skin tingle all over. He can see the wheels turning in Timmy’s head, he just has no idea what it means. Finally, Timmy releases his bottom lip, tongue coming out to sweep over it quickly before he finally speaks.

“Maybe I can…show you?”

Maybe it’s the weed, or maybe it’s because Timmy looks so damn earnest that he doesn’t have the heart to laugh or brush off his suggestion as easily as he normally would, but something about the way this entire conversation has gone so far makes him curious despite himself.

“How?”

The way Timmy’s eyes spark to life at his response makes his breath catch in his throat. He’s not exactly sure what he’s expecting to happen next, but when Timmy shimmies over to sit beside to him, their knees touching slightly as they both lean back against the bed, there’s a fluttering in his stomach that isn’t entirely unpleasant.

“Close your eyes.”

Armie raises an eyebrow, suddenly feeling a bit ridiculous about the whole thing.

“You’re high.”

That earns him a snort in response.

“So are you, asshole. Just…humor me.”

Armie’s tempted to argue, but when Timmy simply gazes at him patiently, a slight smile tugging the corners of his lips upward, all the resistance flows out of him and he decides to just go with it. Letting out a long breath, he closes his eyes and tips his head back to rest on the edge of the mattress behind him.

There’s just silence for a few seconds, then he can feel Timmy shifting beside him, settling into a mirroring position to his own. It’s another several beats before anything happens, but then the sound of Timmy’s voice suddenly fills the space between them.

Timmy begins describing his own dreams, what they look and feel like, the colors and shapes and sounds, the way they make him feel and the confidence they instill in him. Armie listens intently, intrigued by the concept of Timmy’s dreams but still not entirely understanding the purpose of this exercise. But at the very least, it’s a way for him to learn more about Timmy and what makes him who he is, and Armie thinks he’ll never tire of that.

But then there’s a shift. Timmy begins talking about the dreams he’s had about this role specifically, and all of the sudden a jumble of hazy images appear in Armie’s mind. And the more Timmy talks, the more of them there are. He can see a blur of green and yellow and blue hues, swirling around each other, painting a colorful canvas that is somehow both exciting and soothing at the same time.

There’s a pause, and Armie wonders if that’s it, but then a warm, gentle hand settles over his where it rests on the floor between them, and the voice returns a second later. And suddenly, everything he’s seen so far in his mind multiplies by a hundred, colors bursting everywhere and he sees images of empty green fields as far as the eye can see, deep pools of blue water surrounding him, the brilliant yellow of the sun shining down on him. He can actually feel the heat from it beating down on his bare shoulders, the sensation of warm grass crunching under his toes, and a body pressed close against his, a solid weight pushing down on top of his feet.

Timmy’s voice begins to fade into the background as the images become sharper, more prominent. He loses himself in the feeling of them, becoming completely absorbed in the comfort and safety they bring him, and he finally understands what Timmy meant, the knowledge that this experience will be something special, for both of them, and no matter what happens outside of it, it’s exactly where he’s meant to be right now.

After another few minutes, Timmy’s voice drops away, and the hand that’s become a sort of anchor for him these past few minutes slides off of his and settles back on the floor next to him. Armie takes a shuddering breath in and blinks open his eyes, slowly turning his head to lock eyes with Timmy.

He can see the self-conscious look that Timmy tries to hide, and suddenly so much about this past week clicks into place for him.

“Fuck, that was –“

“Dumb?”

“ – incredible.”

Timmy’s dips his head down so his chin is touching his chest, scratching at the back of his neck for a couple seconds before twisting it back to meet Armie’s eyes again.

“Really? You could see it?”

“Yeah.” It comes out as barely a whisper on an exhale, still a bit stunned by the entire thing and not sure how else to explain what just happened or how or why.

And then, like a switch flipping, Timmy goes from nervous to beside himself with glee in a matter of seconds, letting loose a string of giggles and flopping back onto the ground as he runs his hands through his hair and over his face. It’s both startling and fascinating to watch, and Armie can’t help but let out his own surprised chuckle in response.

He watches on in fond amusement until Timmy finally settles down again, waiting until the last of his giggles subside before he tries to speak.

“You ok over there?” He can’t keep the teasing out of his voice, but he knows Timmy won’t care at this point.

There’s another quick punch of laughter before Timmy’s voice floats up to him.

“Yeah, I’m good.” There’s a long pause, and when Timmy continues, his voice is much softer, gentle, almost reverent. “I’ve never told anyone about my dreams before. Not even my family.”

The statement is like a punch to the gut, but the kind that is needed to truly understand the depths of someone’s inner core. It occurs to him that, after only knowing him a week, Timmy has implicitly put more trust in him than he has in people he’s known his entire life. The feeling is both exhilarating and terrifying.

He leans over so that Timmy can see his eyes when he speaks.

“Thank you, for telling me. And for sharing them with me.”

Timmy remains quiet, but his mouth breaks out into a giddy smile, a touch of pink coloring his cheeks and eyes shining brilliantly in the moonlight that’s streaming in through the window.

There’s a buzzing in Armie’s chest that he doesn’t have a name for, but he can sense what it means. And it’s that very moment that he realizes that this thing he shares with Timmy is unlike anything he’s ever experienced with anyone else. And it will either be the best thing that ever happens to him, or it will be the thing that ultimately breaks him.


	4. Come Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's Monday yet again, so another chapter is coming your way! I'll just be honest, I'm not *super* happy with the way this chapter came out. It's the last of the "buildup" chapters, but because of the length of time it needed to cover, it's a lot of overview/exposition and I had a hard time trying to find the right balance for what I wanted to convey. So I apologize if it isn't up to par with the rest of the series. In truth, it's probably my least favorite song on the soundtrack as well (although I do still enjoy it), and the concept is a bit more abstract in terms of the Charmie part, so it was more of a challenge to write. I *hope* I did an ok job, but I know it isn't the best ever. All that said, after this chapter, I will be focusing much more heavily and in depth on the relationship between Armie and Timmy and things will start to progress in a more real way after these first few chapters which were more about establishing where both of them are separately and then how their growing bond impacts that. So I hope you enjoy where things go from here! :D
> 
> And thank you again for all the lovely comments and kudos. This fic is purely self-indulgent and I'm so happy to see people enjoying it and being excited about it. I cannot tell you how much your support and encouragement means to me. <3

_Come alive, come alive_   
_Go and ride your light_   
_Let it burn so bright_   
_Reaching up_   
_To the sky_   
_And it's open wide_   
_You're electrified_

_When the world becomes a fantasy_   
_And you're more than you could ever be_   
_'Cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open_   
_And you know you can't go back again_   
_To the world that you were living in_   
_'Cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open_   
_So, come alive!_

****

_“Timothée, over here. Look this way, Timothée!”_

The jumble of nerves twisting into knots sends Timmy into overdrive as he steps in front of the line of cameras all trained directly on him, the cacophony of people behind them shouting out directions that he can barely make out over the thrumming of his own heartbeat in his ears.

Even though this is hardly his first movie premiere, there’s something about this one that is different from all the ones that came before. He’s felt it all along, from the very first time he read the script, that this was the role that would change everything for him. And now, as they are about to watch the world premiere of Call Me By Your Name at the Sundance Film Festival, he knows everything has been building toward this moment, when this project that has affected him so profoundly is released to the public and he has no control over how it’s received.

He almost stumbles as he takes his place in front of the crowd of people shouting his name, but just before he completely loses his composure, he feels it. A solid, warm hand slides against the small of his back, steadying him and melting away the sharp edges of his anxiety, leaving behind only the soft glow of anticipation for what’s about to happen.

Armie’s presence has always had a calming effect on him, and right now he focuses all his energy on the guiding hand on his back and the low murmur of directions in his ear as they navigate the photo call proceeding the premiere.

After they’d wrapped filming several months ago, he’d gone back to New York and tried to resume his normal life. But he found it almost impossible to find his footing after the experience in Crema had somehow shifted his entire world on its axis, and he couldn’t make things fit the same way they used to. And ever since then, he’s felt like a bit of a zombie, sleep-walking his way through life but never truly living it the way he knew he was meant to.

When he watches the movie for the first time, despite being in a room full of other people, the only thing he can focus on is the way Armie’s leg presses up against his in the dark room, how he can feel every emotion rolling off him in waves, gasping quietly at the way they intensify his own as they watch the beautiful piece of art they created together unfold on screen. When it ends, he looks over at Armie and sees the corners of his eyes are wet. And when Armie turns his head and meets his gaze, the spark he hasn’t felt since the last day of filming in Crema reignites low in his belly and he finally feels alive again for the first time in months.

After the movie receives a ten minute standing ovation, his spark has evolved into a roaring fire of excitement and anticipation. He manages to ride the high of the experience for the next several weeks until the next premiere at Berlinale. The experience there is much the same as Sundance, and it feels like his dreams are right on the cusp of becoming reality.

And then just as quickly as it began, it all comes to a halt, put on hold for several months as they wait for the fall festival circuit to ramp up the promo to its full extent. Timmy tries to hang onto that feeling of joy and wonder of it all, but it soon fades into the background once again, leaving him feeling despondent and itching for the months in the interim to pass quickly.

In the meantime, he tries to resume working on other films. He ends up shooting a movie in L.A. in the summer, and he stays with Armie and his family through the majority of it. It’s a totally different experience than when they’d been in Crema together, but it manages to be just as intense and their bond grows even deeper than it was before. And going back to New York after it ends is almost more devastating than it had been the first time around.

But the moment their eyes connect across the crowded hotel lobby in Toronto a few months later, everything comes rushing back to him, and life is breathed back into his body once more. It feels like a new beginning, a real chance to capture everything he’s ever wanted. And he can’t imagine doing it with anyone other than Armie by his side.

The first few flashes of the cameras as they step onto the red carpet of the Toronto International Film Festival make his nerves spike, still not quite used to the chaos of it all, the attention being so focused on him instead of the bigger stars he usually ends up being passed over for.

And then suddenly Armie is there by his side, the gentle hand settling into place on the small of his back like it belongs there. The shift from anxious to exhilarated in Armie’s presence is so subtle, he almost doesn’t recognize it in himself. But there’s a low buzzing in his gut that starts on the red carpet and builds through every screening, every Q&A, every autograph he signs and every selfie he takes.

The first night in Toronto, he knocks on Armie’s hotel room door, still so wired from the experience at the festival that he can’t sleep. Armie lets him in and they have a drink together to celebrate, Timmy talking a mile a minute about everything he felt throughout the day while Armie listens patiently, a small smile on his face until Timmy finally exhausts himself enough to go back to his room.

It becomes something of a ritual for them after that. The experience of doing press all day, having so much attention and focus on him and getting such positive feedback about the movie is so overwhelming, he finds going to Armie’s room at the end of the day to unwind and let out all the excited energy from the day the only way he can keep himself from completely getting lost in it all.

Armie gives him some great advice about how to handle the monotony of interviews where the same questions are asked twenty times, and how to redirect on questions that require too personal of an answer. But mostly, Armie just lets him ramble, somehow knowing that it’s what he needs. He doesn’t try to tamp down on Timmy’s excitement, but rather seems almost wistful to share in it himself.

When they arrive for the New York Film Festival, though, the energy between them changes unexpectedly. Armie invites Timmy to his room before the first night of the premiere and they smoke a joint together, and suddenly everything is heightened tenfold. When they step out onto the red carpet an hour later, lights are brighter, the yells from the crowd are louder and reverberate through his entire body, his heart beating so fast he worries it might explode out of his chest.

And Armie…Armie is everywhere, all around him, filling his senses to the point of almost being overwhelming. It’s as if they are somehow tethered together, an invisible force keeping them from never being more than two feet apart at all times.

The anticipation that had started in Toronto ramps up to an entirely new level as once again the movie receives raves reviews and another record standing ovation. Timmy can feel the electricity flowing through his entire body, making every nerve ending come alive with the feeling that this is it, this is what his dreams had all been leading him toward since the beginning. This is the life he’s always been meant for, and it’s all finally becoming a reality in front of him. And somewhere inside of him, he realizes that Armie is an important part of that reality in a way he hadn’t been anticipating.

By the time they get to London a couple weeks later, Timmy is fully consumed by the joy and wonder of finally reaching this point of getting to travel the world to promote the movie that he knows will be the defining role in his career. He can’t help but get swept up in the glamour of it all, the people calling out his name and the fans who bring him gifts and get teary-eyed as they tell him how much the movie changed their lives. It’s a whirlwind of all the things he’s seen in his dreams coming to life, and he never wants it to end.

But through everything, Armie is there, with his grounding and calming presence to help keep him from completely getting lost to himself. He reminds Timmy of the things that are important to take away from this experience, and the things that won’t come to matter in the slightest once the promo tour is over. 

It dawns on him then, in a way that hadn’t been real before, that all of this would come to an end at some point, and that he would no longer have the excuse of promoting the movie in order to spend time with Armie in a way that he’s come to rely on the past weeks as they’ve traveled the world.

It takes him another few weeks before he can find the courage to bring the topic up again. They’re sitting in Armie’s backyard in L.A., having just finished a long press day, and Armie had invited him over for barbeque and drinks to unwind a bit. Liz is putting the kids down, and it’s just the two of them passing a blunt back and forth, staring out at the night sky in comfortable silence.

But Timmy can’t hold back any longer – every city they land in, he knows it’s all one step closer to being over, and he’s not ready to let go of this feeling.

“What happens when this all ends?”

Armie blows out a breath, smoke billowing out from his lips and twisting up into the darkness. Turning to look at Timmy’s eyes, he quirks an eyebrow in question.

“You mean the promo tour?” Timmy nods, teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he waits for Armie’s answer. But Armie simply shrugs and leans his head back against the deck chair he’s sitting in. “Life moves onto the next thing. Back to doing auditions, figuring out the next role, more of the same dumb shit no one really likes but we do it because we have to. The non-glamourous side to being in this business.”

Timmy’s stomach flips, not because of what Armie said, because he already knows all that, but more of what he _didn’t_ say.

“Yeah, but…what about _us_?”

Armie’s eyes blink open again and he turns to back to him, confusion clear in his expression.

“What do you mean?”

Timmy starts fidgeting with his pant leg, eyes dropping away from Armie’s as he tries not to sound like a middle schooler with his first crush.

“I mean, we won’t be spending all this time together anymore. And I just…I mean your friendship is really special to me. I’m afraid it won’t ever be like it is now again.”

Armie’s face instantly softens, taking on a look that makes Timmy’s heart ache in his chest.

“Hey, Timmy. Listen man, just because it won’t be the exact same as it is right now doesn’t mean our relationship has to change. You’re not just any co-star to me, you know that. What we have…it’s not like anything I’ve experienced before on other movies. And I can’t say for sure what will happen when this is all over, but I do know that you’ve become a huge part of my life this past year, and I’m not planning for that to change anytime soon. We’ll figure it out.”

When Armie reaches a hand over and squeezes his forearm with a smile, the tightness in Timmy’s chest eases a bit. Knowing that Armie is on the same page with regard to their relationship is a huge relief. Because it dawns on him that, somewhere along the way, the focus of his dreams had shifted, and he can no longer see the same life he envisioned for himself without Armie there with him. 

He thinks he should be worried about how attached he’s become to his co-star, especially so early on in his career when things are so uncertain, but when he goes back in his mind and really searches his dreams, he’s always sensed the presence of someone else there with him. It was only ever a formless energy that he never paid much attention to before, but he’s starting to understand that maybe the reason he feels so connected to Armie is bigger than he ever realized. And that maybe, the reason his dreams are starting to come true now is not because of a role he chose to play, but because of what he and Armie found in each other one summer in a tiny town in Italy, and the magic they created together because of it.


	5. Never Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So uh...I apologize for the delay in posting this chapter. There's several reasons for it, one being madness at work and a lot less free time and energy to write. The other main issue I had with this chapter is the content. As some of you might know, I wrote another fic that deals with Armie's breakdown in Rome after he was snubbed for the Oscar. And I kinda fell in love with that version of events so much that it basically became my head-canon. So, I knew I was going to include a chapter in this story that also dealt with that incident, but when I went to go write it, I had a really hard time divorcing myself from the other fic enough to make this one different enough for it to make sense in the context of *this* story, but also still stay true to how I think it could have all happened in real life. So...I struggled A LOT with that. But I hope I have found the happy medium here. I tried, at least. I hope you enjoy what I've come up with for this one, and that I didn't steal too much from my other fic to make it too repetitive.
> 
> Also, I'm *hoping* that I will be able to return to my original schedule of posting every Monday going forward. Work has finally settled down so I should have the time I need to work on both this and my other WIP without too much trouble. But I make no promises. I'll do my best to keep it as regular as possible.
> 
> And as always, thank you for the lovely comments and kudos and overall enthusiasm for this story. It means a lot to me that people are enjoying it so far. <333

_I'm trying to hold my breath_   
_Let it stay this way_   
_Can't let this moment end_   
_You set off a dream in me_   
_Getting louder now_   
_Can you hear it echoing?_   
_Take my hand_   
_Will you share this with me?_   
_'Cause darling without you_

_All the shine of a thousand spotlights_   
_All the stars we steal from the night sky_   
_Will never be enough_   
_Never be enough_   
_Towers of gold are still too little_   
_These hands could hold the world but it'll_   
_Never be enough_   
_Never be enough_

_For me_

Timmy raises his fist slowly, hesitating, suddenly unsure if this is a good idea. But Armie had looked so devasted, though he was careful to conceal it amongst the proud smiles and cheerful congratulations for him and James and the movie overall. But Timmy could see right through it, knew that even though his pride was genuine, the bitter sting of disappointment was there alongside it. 

It makes him feel nauseous to think that Armie’s stunning and nuanced performance as Oliver had been overlooked by the Academy. It was only because of Armie’s generosity as a scene partner that he’d been able to play off their combined energy and turn in his own powerful performance that has now transformed his dreams into reality.

After Armie had excused himself from the group celebration in the hotel bar a few hours after touching down in Rome for the beginning of the European leg of their promo tour, looking tense and a mix between hurt and emotionally spent, Timmy tried to give him space to process everything. That lasted all of ten minutes before he couldn’t stand it anymore and he followed the path Armie had taken up to his room, needing to make sure he was ok.

So as he stands in front of Armie’s hotel room now, hand poised to knock on the door, he’s not sure what to expect, or even if Armie will let him in at all. They’ve always had an unspoken understanding between them that no matter what, it was them against the world, but given the circumstances, he’s not sure if that still applies. The fear that Armie will resent him over this causes a large knot to form in his stomach.

Taking a deep breath, he softly raps twice on the door and waits. There’s no sound coming from the other side for several seconds until suddenly the door unlocks and opens to reveal Armie, who seems wholly unsurprised to see him standing there. Without a word, Armie opens the door wide enough for him to push past him. 

Once he does, he quickly scans the room, looking for signs to see just how bad this was. Armie isn’t usually a physically destructive person, so he’s not expecting any real damage, but he knows Armie well enough now to look for other tells to determine the amount of weed they would need to get him through it. But to his surprise, he doesn’t find anything that would indicate that Armie was upset at all.

He does spot two tumblers filled with dark brown liquid sitting on the desk in the corner of the room by the small couch. When he turns to meet Armie’s gaze after he closes the door, one eyebrow arched in question, Armie just shrugs one shoulder nonchalantly.

“Oh please, I knew you’d be coming. Gotta give you credit, though, you lasted longer than I thought you would.” Armie exhales a breathy chuckle and tips his head toward the glasses. “Figured I’d be prepared. Yours is on the right.”

There’s a part of Timmy that wants to be offended at Armie’s insinuation, but the rest of him is so grateful that Armie seems to be in better spirits than he expected, and that he doesn’t seem to be bothered by Timmy’s presence, that he swallows it back and walks over to the desk and picks up his designated glass. Giving the contents a small sniff, he discovers Armie made him a rum and coke, which of course Armie knows is his go-to drink. He fails to hold back the grin that creeps over his face as he takes a sip of the dark liquid and lets it swirl in his mouth for a few seconds before swallowing.

The now familiar sound of the zipper of Armie’s suitcase causes him to turn back around, expecting to find Armie unpacking for their short stay in Rome. He’s always been fascinated by the way Armie will unpack his suitcase in every city, even if they are only there a day or two, hanging things in the closet and putting things in the dresser drawers, unlike Timmy who just digs things out of his suitcase as needed.

But much to his surprise, Armie is putting things back _in_ his suitcase instead of taking them out. He just watches for a few seconds, trying to find the logical explanation for what he’s seeing that his mind is clearly not catching onto. But after he sees the outfit that he knows Armie had picked out for the premiere tomorrow night being laid gently back into the bag, he can’t hold back anymore.

“Dude, what are you doing?”

He watches Armie go still for half a second, tension visible in his back and arms, before he continues with what he’s doing without looking at Timmy. “Packing.”

The clipped answer is both obvious and completely unsatisfying since it doesn’t do anything to ease the feeling of dread that has taken root in his gut and grows with each item that goes back into the suitcase. “Yes, I can _see_ that. Isn’t supposed to be the other way around? We just got here. Exactly how many drinks did you have before I got here?”

The last question is supposed to come out as a joke to lighten the mood, but it ends up having a hint of panic in it when Armie continues to move things from the closet to his bag without sparing a glance in his direction. He can see Armie’s jaw clench at his question, but there’s no response.

His panic reaches a new level when he sees the manilla packet they’d both been supplied with that had their itinerary for all the various press junkets and Q&A’s they were scheduled for being tucked into his carry-on bag.

“Armie?”

Armie’s back is to him, but he hears the low sigh Armie lets out before he straightens up and turns back to him, expression unreadable.

“I’m sorry, T. I can’t do this anymore.”

Timmy’s blood turns to ice, whole body frozen as he tries to understand the implication of Armie’s words. He takes in a shaky breath, almost afraid to ask for clarification, already dreading the answer. “Can’t do _what_ anymore?”

The sadness in Armie’s eyes looks too much like pity and Timmy suddenly feels like he’s going to throw up. He can feel the words stabbing him through the heart before Armie ever opens his mouth. “This. The endless promo. All of it. If I have to answer the same five questions one more time…it’s too much. I’m done.”

Time stops, everything coming to a halt around him, a freeze frame captured at the very moment Timmy realizes he’s about to lose the most important thing in his life. Suddenly every moment he’s spent with Armie over the past year and a half flashes through his mind, every emotion he’s felt bursts inside his chest like tiny fireworks of feeling, and the visions for his future that have been so vibrant and alive in him since Armie first came into his life begin to dim and turn grey.

And then time starts again, and he’s across the room before he can even fully process that he’s moved. He doesn’t even feel like he’s in control of his own body when he grabs the bag from Armie’s hand and tosses it to the other side of the room, isn’t able to spare a thought for the way Armie asks him what the hell he’s doing in a more-than-slightly unamused tone. He’s flying on pure instinct and blind panic when he grabs Armie’s hands in his own, his slender fingers barely able to fully wrap around the full width of Armie’s massive paws, but he holds on for dear life, desperately needing their connection to ground him so he doesn’t completely spin out of control.

“Nonononono, you can’t. You can’t quit, Armie. You can’t leave me. You can’t, I _need_ you.” It all comes out in one rushed breath, afraid that if he takes the time to draw in more air, Armie will disappear and everything they shared will be gone forever.

“Whoa whoa, ok slow down. Take a breath, T. It’s ok.”

He can feel himself shaking his head “no”, even though he doesn’t remember his brain telling it to do that. His eyes are slammed shut and his nails are digging into the back of Armie’s hands, and normally he would be worried about hurting him but he can’t right now. He’s too busy trying to hold onto the one thing he isn’t ready to lose.

Then he’s suddenly being guided to sit down on the bed, Armie using his body to maneuver them since his hands are still trapped between Timmy’s. He can hear Armie’s velvety voice talking to him, quiet words of encouragement that he feels more than hears.

After another minute, his breathing even out and the panic fades enough for him to blink open his eyes, peering up into Armie’s concerned gaze. Neither of them say anything for a beat, just trying to regain a sense of equilibrium. Finally, furrowed brows relax the tiniest bit.

“You back with me, T?”

It takes him a few seconds to make his head move in a nod, but he can see the immediate relief on Armie’s face when he does. But when Armie moves to slide his hands out from his, Timmy’s grip tightens, keeping Armie from breaking away.

Armie’s eyes snap back to his, a renewed sense of concern etched in every inch of his expression. “Timmy, what – “

“I’m ok. I am. But I meant it. You can’t leave.”

“Timmy…”

“I can’t lose you, ok? I’m not ready. Not yet.”

At that, Armie pauses, obviously not expecting that. “What are you talking about? You’re not _losing_ me. Just because I won’t be here doesn’t mean we’re not still friends or that I don’t care about you. Besides, there’s only a few weeks left. Then we’d be headed back to our real lives anyway.”

Timmy can feel the first waves of panic returning, frustrated that Armie seems able to brush him aside so easily after everything, all that they’ve shared, how close they’ve become. To just walk away now without a second thought isn’t something he ever expected and certainly isn’t prepared for.

“You don’t understand, I need you here with me. I can’t do this without you.”

When Armie lets out an incredulous snort at that, Timmy feels his stomach drop. “What are you talking about, man? You’ve got them eating out of your hand. You think you need me, but the truth is you were made for this. If anything, I’m just dragging you down with my bullshit. You deserve a chance to shine on your own. It’s your moment. And the Academy agrees with me.”

The words hit him square in the chest, and suddenly it all becomes crystal clear to him. The hazy feeling that’s been slowly creeping up his spine for the last several weeks, the dull ache in his chest that he hasn’t been able to explain, the constant pull to be wherever Armie is no matter what hour of the day or night. He’d been too busy enjoying the present time they had together to really stop and try to define what it all meant, but when he’s faced with the reality of all of that going away in an instant, the truth of what he’s been feeling snaps into sharp focus.

A burst of adrenaline shoots through him as his desperation to make Armie stay reaches critical levels. He lets go of Armie’s hands only to reach up and frantically grab his shirt instead, curling his fingers into tight fists against the soft material and holding on for dear life. “No, Armie! Don’t you get it?!” He can see the cloud of confusion coming over Armie’s expression, but he doesn’t wait for him to respond. “None of that means anything without you. The movie, the tour, the fans, the fucking Oscar, _nothing_. I don’t care about any of it if you aren’t here to share it with me.”

The shock on Armie’s face at his outburst slowly melts into disbelief, and it pierces his heart to see the way Armie can’t accept that he means it. “Timmy, come on. I appreciate you saying that, but we both know that isn’t true. This is everything you’ve ever dreamed about, you can’t tell me you don’t care about that.”

Timmy takes several deep breaths, trying to bring himself back down to a calmer, more rational place. He can’t completely deny Armie’s assertion – he _does_ care. But there’s a sense of hollowness when he thinks of doing any of the next few weeks without Armie. Of talking about the love story that’s become such an integral part of his life without the person who shared every minute of the experience with him. And even if by some miracle he somehow manages to win the Oscar, he wouldn’t be able to enjoy it without Armie there by his side. 

And while he knows it’s selfish, he’s too far gone to care. He can no longer see the life he dreamed about without Armie in it, front and center. He knows it won’t always be like this, but he’s come to realize that what he has with Armie is what makes everything else have more meaning.

Letting out a low sigh, he slowly releases the death grip he has on Armie’s shirt but maintains the contact between them, smoothing out the material and pressing his palms gently against Armie’s chest. He can feel the steady rhythm of Armie’s heart underneath his touch, and he takes comfort in the soft pulsing as his own heartrate slows to mirror it. Finally, he drags his eyes back up to meet Armie’s again.

“Yeah, you’re right, I do care. But…” He pauses, trying to find the right words to encapsulate everything he feels in this moment, and he’s grateful that Armie gives him all the time he needs. “It isn’t enough for me. Not even close. You…us… _that’s_ what really matters. I know I could do this alone if I had to. But I don’t _want_ to. I want you to be here, I want it to be _us_. Like it’s been from the beginning. Please, Armie. Don’t leave now. Stay here with me. Just give us these last few weeks, please.”

Any other time, he’d be embarrassed by how needy he sounds, but right now, with Armie’s eyes peering into the depths of his soul as he speaks his truth, he knows there’s no need. Armie has seen him in his most vulnerable moments, both physically and emotionally, and there’s no one in the world he feels safer with.

There’s a long minute where they both just gaze silently into each other’s eyes, Timmy’s heartfelt plea lingering in the air above them as they quietly exchange breaths in the space between them. Then finally, Armie’s hands slowly slide up Timmy’s arms and shoulders, coming to rest on either side of his face, cradling it softly. Armie holds him still for a beat before he gently pulls him in, moving his own face to meet him in the middle, leaning their foreheads together as Armie lets out a soft sigh.

“Ok, Timmy. Ok. I’ll stay. It’ll be you and me, just like it’s always been. I promise.”

It takes all of Timmy’s restraint not to burst into tears upon hearing Armie’s words, but he somehow manages to swallow them back as he breathes out a shaky, “Thank you.” 

Armie’s grip on his face tightens ever-so-slightly, his thumbs stroking over his cheeks and ears as their faces press even closer together. The urge to bridge the gap between their mouths is almost overwhelming, the desire to feel Armie’s lips on his again after so long suddenly all he can think about. But he knows it isn’t what this moment is about, and he knows that if they ever do cross that line for real, it needs to come from Armie.

As Armie finally pulls back minutes later, after they’ve both sufficiently calmed down, there’s a split second just as Armie’s eyes meet his that he thinks maybe Armie is feeling the same thing he is. But then he blinks and the moment passes, Armie’s hands dropping away from his face as he clears his throat and rubs his palms on his thighs.

“Ok well, I guess if I’m staying, I should re-unpack my stuff.”

Timmy can see the hint of tension in the way Armie’s lip quirks up into a smirk, but he decides not to mention it, focusing instead on the relief he feels that Armie is really going to stay and finish out the last few weeks of the tour with him. “Right, yeah, you should.”

Armie nods, face sliding into a more natural-looking smile, and pushes off from the bed. Timmy figures he should probably take that as his cue and let Armie be alone for a bit, but he barely makes it two steps from the bed before Armie’s voice calls back out to him.

“You wanna help?”

Timmy turns back to face Armie, eyebrow quirked in question, not really sure how he can really assist Armie in unpacking his own stuff. He’s about to ask, but then Armie’s smile turns mischievous.

“We can break out the vodka after, if you’re up for it.”

He’s instantly transported back to the night last summer when he was living with Armie while shooting Beautiful Boy. He’d had a bit too much of vodka during one of their friendly gatherings, and he’d ended up on top of Armie’s pool table, topless, dancing and singing along to “Mo Money, Mo Problems”.

His face instantly flushes bright red at the reminder. “Shut up, asshole.”

Despite his overwhelming embarrassment, he’s incredibly glad to hear the sound of Armie’s barking laugh as he grabs a shirt from his suitcase and hangs it in the small hotel closet. And when Timmy hits him in the junk with a balled up pair of socks a few seconds later, he gets a thrill out of the way Armie’s eyes light up with heat just before he’s tackled backwards onto the bed. And when Armie’s full weight is pinning him down not even a minute later, he thinks he’d give anything to be able to have this last forever.


	6. This Is Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am back and doing my best to stick to my Monday posting schedule for this fic from here on out. :)
> 
> This chapter is the last of the "bridge" chapters that are kinda more transition-y and act as set up for the more involved chapters coming up. But I knew I needed to have an Armie POV chapter to give you an idea of where his head is at and how things have evolved since the events of last chapter. Things will definitely pick up in a huge way next chapter, but this one is lighter and more fun and just a chance for the boys to grow closer and flirt shamelessly, so I hope you enjoy Armie letting loose and not giving a single fuck. ;)
> 
> And of course, I am eternally grateful for all the kudos and comments and other expressions of love and support for this story. It constantly makes my day to know you all are enjoying the ride as much as I am. So thank you. <333
> 
> *Also, a special thank you to the lovely monicamelancolie for assisting with the Italian phrase Luca says at the beginning. <3

_When the sharpest words wanna cut me down_  
_I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out_  
_I am brave, I am bruised_  
_I am who I'm meant to be, this is me_  
_Look out 'cause here I come_  
_And I'm marching on to the beat I drum_  
_I'm not scared to be seen_  
_I make no apologies, this is me_

When Armie walks into the first interview after Timmy had convinced him to not quit the promo tour, the wide-eyed stares and hushed whispers from both his team and the staff doing the interview give him a twisted sort of thrill. He had known his choice of attire wouldn’t go unnoticed, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. And Timmy had been wholeheartedly in favor of his act of minor rebellion, so that was all that really mattered.

Timmy walks in behind him, and when they spot Luca, a less-than-amused expression flashing across his face, he knows he won’t be able to avoid him forever. He’s just about to walk over and explain when Timmy’s slender fingers curl around his bicep. “Hey, let me talk to him. It’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.”

Normally, Armie wouldn’t be one to let someone else fight his battles for him, but in this case, he figures Timmy might be the better choice to have a diplomatic conversation about this. He nods and watches Timmy walk over to Luca, hoping this doesn’t become a _thing_ between them. After a minute of the two of them talking in hushed voices, he hears Luca exclaim, “Siete due idioti,” before stalking away to get his mic set up for the interview.

When Timmy walks back over to him, he has a reassuring smile on face despite what was obviously not the best reaction from Luca. “Just give him a minute to get over it, he’ll be fine. Let’s go.”

Armie allows Timmy to drag him toward the chairs set up for them to sit in for their long day of back-to-back interviews. Once Luca settles in, he gives him the look Armie’s come to call his “affectionate grump” face before rolling his eyes. But it lasts all of five seconds, and then Luca’s lips twist up in a grin and his eyes sparkle with mischief, and just like that everything is ok again.

The rest of his team is less receptive of his casual attitude, but he does his best to tune them out and tries to focus on getting through the day without losing his mind. He’s more or less decided that if he’s going to continue this dog and pony show, he’s going to do it on his terms, which includes dressing however he wants. So naturally he’d gone for the most casual thing he could find in his luggage – a black tracksuit. He’s mostly used it for travel days so far, but he’s past the point of caring about what he looks like for these things and figures if anyone has a problem with it, they can fuck off.

Of course, when Liz arrives the next day and sees him, her reaction is less than positive. After calling him a child throwing a tantrum, she tries to reason with him that he _should_ care about how this will look to their audience. But he’s well aware that what she really means is how it will reflect back on _her_ , which somehow makes him dig in his heels about the whole thing even further.

Along with his relaxed style choices, he also loses his filter entirely in interviews. After answering the same questions for months, he decides to shake it up a bit. Luckily, most of the interviewers are game for his more off-the-wall answers, and he resolutely ignores the death glares coming from his publicist.

And through it all, Timmy is at his side, a steady and supportive presence keeping him from total self-destruction. They somehow manage to become even closer after the incident in his hotel room, and while he knows he’s skirting a fine line, one that’s always been blurry between them, he allows himself the freedom to indulge in ways he’d previously held back from. 

There’s never been any denying the chemistry between him and Timmy, and over time he’s come to accept that the way he feels for Timmy isn’t _strictly_ platonic. But he’s married and has two kids and a life he knows isn’t built for 22-year-olds who are just taking off in their career. And he already knows Timmy will be one of the great actors of his time.

Still, he figures while they have a bit of time left together, he can allow himself to lean into his desire, knowing full well it won’t go anywhere. He lets himself look longer, not bothering to hide his attraction for his younger costar. His touches become more frequent and meaningful, savoring the way Timmy’s smaller frame fits perfectly next to his own. Timmy seems to pick up on his change in behavior and responds in kind, kicking things up a notch and making Armie all the more hungry for things he’s been deprived of for far too long. 

The tension between them becomes even more palpable in Paris, their unspoken shift reaching uncharted territory as they find new ways to tease and rile each other up, somehow managing to practically forget everyone else in the room as they focus solely on each other. 

Their nightly ritual of Timmy coming to his room continues, despite Liz’s presence. In fact, some nights they almost forget she’s even in the room, and one time she actually leaves altogether, fed up with their immature behavior and needing some “adult time”. Armie knows he should probably feel guilty, but he can’t really bring himself to care too much. He’s too busy fully enjoying being himself and not giving a fuck about what anyone else thinks.

Except Timmy. He’s the only one Armie is worried about disappointing or driving away in all of this. But to his amazement, for every crazy idea Armie comes up with, Timmy matches him with one of his own. They spend practically every waking minute together, much to the chagrin of Liz and both of their teams. But amidst the eyerolls and exasperated sighs, they find a rhythm of being together that feels like a dance, one Armie doesn’t remember learning the steps to but somehow knows by heart.

In London, Armie is just getting himself ready to go to their podcast interview when Timmy slips into his room with a mischievous look on his face.

“What?” He can’t help breaking out into his own smirk, already knowing something amazing is about to happen.

Timmy wordlessly produces a blunt from his pocket, grin now so wide it practically reaches his ears. Armie barks out a surprised laugh, not having expected Timmy to be the one to suggest getting high right before they had to do an interview. But when he thinks about it, podcasts are much more laid back than regular interviews, so he figures if they were ever to do it, now’s the perfect time.

It’s been a while since they’d gotten high together, with the new baby and all, Armie had tried to cut back on smoking and focus on being a more attentive parent. But his kids aren’t here now, and Timmy’s looking at him with that face he couldn’t say no to if his life depended on it, so he knows there’s no use in even trying to resist.

But that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to tease Timmy a little first. He manages to school his face into a serious expression and perfectly deadpans, “You’re a terrible influence, you know that?”

The giggle that bubbles out of Timmy’s lips makes him think that maybe he’d already partaken a bit before he came over, but somehow that just makes Armie even more delighted. “Soooo, you wanna?” Another tiny giggle comes out before Timmy can stop it, and Armie’s face relaxes into a fond smile.

“Get over here.”

By the time they walk into the designated hotel room that the podcast is recording in, they are both pleasantly buzzed. The actual interview ends up being one of the most fun times he can remember on the entire tour, even though they hardly end up discussing the film at all. But thankfully the guy interviewing them is chill enough to go along with their crazy ramblings and even joins in on a few of their silly bits.

Once the interview ends and they are officially off the record, the guy leans over with a knowing smirk. “You guys are totally high right now, aren’t you?”

Even if Armie had wanted to play it cool and try to deny it, Timmy’s over-the-top fake cough to try and cover up his obvious giggles at the question gives them away anyway.

“Sorry, man, I hope it doesn’t affect your interview too much. We don’t want to fuck anything up for you.”

But the response he gets is not what he’s expecting at all. “Are you kidding?! This was one of the most hilarious interviews I’ve ever been a part of. You two are great together. You should do all of your interviews stoned.”

They all erupt in laughter, and Armie is relieved to know that some people appreciate a more laidback approach to these things. They end up buying the guy a drink in the hotel bar and chatting with him for a bit until he has to go set up for his next appointment, but he and Timmy stay a while longer and knock back several drinks before they finally drag themselves back to their hotel rooms late in the evening.

Except when they get to their floor, Timmy realizes he left his key in his room and can’t get back in without it. With both of them too wasted to back down to the front desk to get a replacement, Armie offers to let him crash on their couch.

“Ya sure, man? I don’ wanna get in the way.”

Armie huffs an amused snort at Timmy’s attempt at modesty, since that hadn’t ever stopped him from barging in on them in the past. Not that there was really anything currently to barge in on – their sex life has been in a rut for months, between two small kids and both of their crazy schedules, neither of them have been particularly in the mood. And the few times they have been, it’s been rushed and not exactly the best in terms of performance or intimacy.

“Please, you know it’s fine.”

He doesn’t mention the fact that Liz has been making more and more frequent remarks about the amount of time he and Timmy spend together, not having a clear enough mind to try and navigate that conversation right now. Besides, he didn’t know why it was a big deal, anyway. The promo tour is almost over, and the two of them will be back to living on opposite sides of the country in a matter of weeks. So he’s mostly brushed her off so far, not in the mood to let her ruin what little time he and Timmy have left together.

Timmy just gives him a lazy smile and leans heavily into his side as Armie fumbles with his own key card, finally managing to get the door open and stumble inside, trying to keep both himself and Timmy upright in the process.

“What’s going on?”

Liz’s voice calls from across the room, and even in his drunken state, Armie picks up on the hint of exasperation in her tone.

He gives a half-shrug with the shoulder that Timmy is currently not leaning against. “He forgot his key, so I told him he could crash here.” He tries not to sound as drunk as he feels, but some of his words still come out slurred.

Liz raises an eyebrow, obviously not thrilled by Armie’s answer. “Is there a reason he can’t go get a spare key?”

Armie shoots her a sharp look, not in the mood for her to make a big deal out this when it isn’t. “We’ll go down first thing in the morning. I didn’t think there would be a problem.”

He can see Liz wants to argue further, but instead she simply clenches her jaw for a minute before answering. “No problem at all.”

He decides to let it go, not wanting to put Timmy in the middle of their weird push-pull they’ve had going on since he stopped giving any fucks in Rome. Once Timmy is safely set up on the couch with a glass of water and aspirin on the little table beside it, he decides to call it a night himself. Liz joins him in the bed a few minutes later, but there might as well be a mountain between them. He falls asleep listening to the sound of Timmy’s soft snores coming from across the room.

The next morning, Armie wakes to find himself alone in the bed and Timmy still sleeping soundly on the couch. He lets Timmy sleep for a bit longer before he finally shuffles over and crouches down in front of the couch to wake him up.

“Hey, wake up, T.”

Timmy’s eyes blink open rapidly, finally landing on his a few seconds later, and as he manages to focus, his face breaks out in a lazy smile. “Morning.”

Warmth spreads through Armie’s whole body at the sight of Timmy’s sleepy smiling face, and despite his better judgement, he reaches a hand up to smooth back one of his curls that had fallen over his eyes. “Hey there.”

There’s a beat when they just stay still, looking at each other silently while Timmy comes back to full consciousness. Eventually he sits up and Armie moves back, giving him space to stretch his limbs. Armie orders them both coffee from room service, and once they’re both sufficiently caffeinated, Timmy thanks him for letting him crash and starts to move to the door to go figure out the key card situation.

Before he slips out the door completely, though, he stops, lower lip trapped between his teeth. “Hey, I hope I didn’t make things weird between you and Elizabeth. I was kind of out of it last night, but from what I can remember, she didn’t seem super happy with me staying here.”

Armie feels a pang in his chest, suddenly wishing things were different, that something as simple as Timmy crashing drunk on their couch didn’t make him yearn for things he knows can never be, like that it had been Timmy in the bed beside him instead of his wife, who can barely look at him these days without an expression of mild annoyance.

“Nah, it’s fine. I think she was just caught off guard, but it’s nothing to worry about. You know she loves you.”

He can see in the way Timmy’s smile that he doesn’t quite believe his words, and he can’t really blame him – he doesn’t fully believe himself, either. But thankfully, Timmy lets him off the hook. “Ok, good. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Armie nods, but he only lets himself breathe normally again once the door clicks shut behind Timmy. It suddenly becomes clear that in allowing himself to fully be free and embrace the parts of himself he’s kept hidden away in the past, he’s managed to open a door to a flood of emotions that he’s not sure can be closed again. And the scariest part is, he doesn’t want to close it, even though he knows it could very well be his undoing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, not sure if I mentioned it on this fic or just my other one, but my regular tumblr account got deleted a couple weeks back (without warning). I'm trying to get it restored, but in the meantime, I have a temporary account at lfg1986-backup in case you want to follow me there for updates or for any questions about this or my other fics, or just to chat. :D


	7. Rewrite The Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So, I know I'm a couple days late on this. All I can say is that this is the chapter that was the basis behind this entire fic, and I knew it was a big one and I needed to get it right. Which of course then gave me crippling anxiety that I would fuck it up, lol. But I have seen this chapter so clearly in my mind, I was having a bit of trouble trying to find the right words to convey the visuals in the way that's needed. 
> 
> So with that said, even though there's a lot of dialogue, this is a very "visual" chapter, and its entire concept for the way its written comes from the "Rewrite the Stars" scene in the movie. I haven't really made a big deal so far out of suggesting you watch the scenes first if you're not familiar with the movie, but this time I'm going to (link to the youtube video is below). I think it adds an extra layer to things that you might miss if you don't see the original scene and what I'm attempting to do with this chapter. I really hope I was able to do it justice. Enjoy!
> 
> Thank you for the love and support and encouragement I've gotten for this story. It means the world to me. <333
> 
> Link to the video of Rewrite the Stars (please watch before reading) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oubvFONlR-w

_What if we rewrite the stars?_   
_Say you were made to be mine_   
_Nothing could keep us apart_   
_You'd be the one I was meant to find_   
_It's up to you, and it's up to me_   
_No one can say what we get to be_   
_So why don't we rewrite the stars?_   
_Maybe the world could be ours_   
_Tonight_

The rhythm of the music pumping through the town square matches the beat of Timmy’s own heart as he jumps and twirls and dances through the streets of Crema, the place where his entire life changed in ways he never expected, but he has enormous gratitude for. The midnight dance party in the Piazza Duomo has been raging for a while, but he’s not the least bit tired; quite the opposite, he’s never felt more alive in his life. Dancing with his fans – which he still can’t quite believe that he even has to begin with – and reliving the magic of their time filming in this tiny town has revitalized him in a way he never could have expected.

And of course, being here with Armie again, coming back to the place where their paths first intersected and their bond immediately forged is like waking from the best dream he’s ever had, only to discover it was all real. As soon as they arrived in town late last night, his senses began to tingle, and he could feel that something special was about to happen.

He’s mid-bounce when he hears Armie’s voice calling to him from above the crowd, his towering height giving him the advantage to be seen and heard even while being surrounded by adoring fans wanting to dance with him. “Timmy! Hey Tim!”

When Timmy gets both feet back on the ground, he raises up on his tiptoes to peer across the sea of people between them. Armie tips his head, signaling for him to come over, and he’s halfway across the square before he even realizes he’s moving. He squeezes past the hoard of dancing fans, quickly stopping to sign things or take a selfie as he makes his way over to Armie on the outskirts of the action.

As soon as he finally reaches Armie, a beer is immediately thrust into his hand, which he takes gratefully. He’s not a huge fan of the stuff, but right now anything wet will do as he pants and sweats from all the jumping and dancing and hot, sticky bodies surrounding him. Armie gives him a lazy smile and his heartbeat quickens even further, and he’s beginning to worry about dropping dead from a heart attack if it gets any faster.

Ever since Rome, the tension between them has been so electric, there are moments when he feels like he might burst into flames any second from the heat passing between them. It had been an unexpected change, but a most welcome one, and when Armie made it clear that he wasn’t going to hold back on expressing his attraction, Timmy had taken it as a green light to do the same. They haven’t outright talked about it, but each day that they spend together and grow closer, Timmy’s hope for something beyond harmless flirtation to happen between them gets that much stronger.

He has just enough time to chug the beer before he gets practically dragged back into the dancing hoard as Love My Way starts blaring from the speakers. He loses himself for a minute as he jumps and sings at the top of his lungs, allowing himself to let the music flow through his entire body. Eventually, he looks back up and spots Armie joining in briefly, the wide smile on his face setting off a thousand tiny fireworks in his stomach.

After the song ends, he spends the next while taking pics and signing things for fans. A few minutes later, he feels the unmistakable feeling of Armie’s giant hand sliding down from between his shoulder blades and landing on the small of his back, and then a warm puff of air ghosts over his ear from behind. “I think I’m gonna head out. You coming?”

He tries to ignore the chill that runs down his spine and focuses on forming a coherent answer. “Uh, yeah. Just give me a minute, I’ll be right there.”

Armie’s hand lingers for another few seconds before it moves off, the tips of his fingers dragging slightly along his waist before they lift completely off. He tries to compose himself long enough to sign a few more autographs and take another couple of selfies before he forces himself to move away from the crowd to find Armie again.

Turns out he’d already called the car to come around, so by the time Timmy reaches the outer edge of the mob, Armie just angles his head to let him know they’re ready. After calling out a last round of goodbyes and gratitude, Timmy slips into the backseat of the oversized black SUV that had transported them to the party earlier. He’s so keyed up, it takes him a minute to notice that it’s just him and Armie in the backseat.

“Wait, where’s Liz?”

Armie shrugs and leans his head back on the seat. “She left a while back. Too much for her, I guess.”

Armie doesn’t seem too concerned about his wife having left early, so Timmy allows himself to enjoy the time with Armie alone, knowing that this is one of their last days like this. Crema is the last stop on their European leg of the tour, and even though Timmy still has a few events in L.A. to go to leading up to the Oscars in another few weeks, this is really the last time it’ll be like this.

They’re halfway back to the hotel when an idea seizes him, and he knows he’ll regret it forever if he doesn’t take the opportunity. Without warning, he scrambles up between the seats so that his face is right behind the driver’s head. “Hey, can you let us out here?”

The driver looks up and meets his eyes in the rearview mirror, confusion etched all over his expression. “But we’re still –”

“I – I know. It’s fine. Just stop here and let us out, we’ll get back to the hotel ok, I promise.”

He ignores the skeptical look the driver gives him and calls out a thanks as he moves back to sit back next to Armie again, only to be confronted with an equally skeptical and confused look from him.

“What’re you doing?”

There are a thousand elephants trampling through his stomach, but he does his best to ignore them. “I have an idea. Just…trust me.”

Armie eyes him for a minute before relaxing, giving him a small nod. “All right, whatever dude. But if you get us lost, you’re in charge of explaining it to Liz.”

Timmy rolls his eyes and tries not to think about that possibility as the SUV rolls to a stop, and he and Armie climb out and onto the dirt road. Once he reassures the driver one more time that they’ll be fine, he takes a minute to get his bearings before pointing Armie in the direction he knows will take them to his desired destination. Armie raises an eyebrow quizzically but doesn’t come out and ask, following Timmy’s lead as they start down the dark path together.

A companionable quiet descends over them for the first few minutes of the journey, broken up every so often by the sound of Armie humming softly along the way. Warmth blooms in his chest every time he hears the light notes drifting between them. Eventually, Armie pauses, a hand shooting out to grab onto Timmy’s bicep to get his attention.

“Hold up. Are we going where I think we’re going?”

A slow grin creeps over his face at hearing that Armie has figured out where he’s taking them. “Come on, we couldn’t come to Crema and _not_ visit the old place.”

Armie has a grin of his own his face, albeit slightly more reserved than Timmy’s. “Dude, you know we don’t actually have permission to be trespassing there anymore, right?”

Despite Armie’s words having meant to be a deterrent, it only makes the thrill that much more exciting. “Whatever happened to being the ‘Sexiest Risk Taker’?”

Armie’s eyeroll only makes Timmy giggle and continue moving down the path, turning back after a few steps to walk backwards as he meets Armie’s eyes in a clear challenge. Armie, never one to back down in these situations, narrows his eyes in determination and practically launches himself forward, easily catching up to Timmy in a few long strides.

When Timmy sees the front gate of Villa Albergoni, his heartrate picks up in anticipation. He hears Armie let out a quiet sigh beside him, and somehow he can feel it all the way in his bones. The villa has been empty since the end of filming a year and a half ago, and it looks exactly the same as it had then, a living snapshot of their summer together making something they both will never forget.

On instinct, Timmy reaches his hand back for Armie’s as they pass through the wooden door and approach the main entrance to the villa, and Armie’s warm palm slides into his instantly. Despite the place being unoccupied, they both still make an effort to be as quiet as possible until they are fully inside and the door is shut behind them, not wanting to attract any attention to their presence. 

Timmy is pleasantly surprised to find the electricity still works when he tries the light in the main hallway. Warm yellow hues flood the room and his breath catches as memories fill his mind. Armie makes his way into the main room and heads directly for the small side nook where the drinks had been kept. As Timmy follows him into the room, he can’t help but chuckle when Armie emerges from the tiny space with a devilish grin on his face, holding up a half full bottle of cognac and two glasses.

Once Armie pours the drinks, he hands one of the crystal glasses to Timmy and holds his up in a clear salute. “To Crema, to Villa Albergoni, the memories we made here…and to _finally_ finishing this promo tour that feels like it’s taken a decade off my life.”

Timmy chuckles and clinks his glass together with Armie’s, but decides against actually drinking. Armie notices, of course, and raises an eyebrow. “You’re not gonna drink?”

As tempting as it sounds, there’s something in the back of his mind that tells him he should stay sober. He shakes his head but flashes a smile at Armie to let him know he appreciates the gesture anyway.

“All right, suit yourself.” Timmy watches as Armie knocks back the entire contents of his glass in one giant swallow, wincing slightly as he places the glass down on the wooden side table by the window. Timmy stays quiet as Armie moves away from him and wanders around the room for a minute, eyes searching around before finally landing on the piano on the other end of the room.

Timmy’s heartrate picks up when Armie lifts the lid and drags his fingers over the keys lightly, not pressing down enough to make any sound, and yet somehow Timmy can feel each note he touches echoing in his mind. When Armie looks up at him with a grin, he almost forgets how to breathe. “You wanna give it a go, see if you remember anything from all those lessons Luca paid for?”

Instead of answering, his mind clouds over with the memories of the two of them playing together, Timmy trying to impress Armie with what he learned and Armie graciously playing down his own skills to keep Timmy from feeling like a first grader playing at his recital. He gets so lost in his own thoughts, he totally forgets that Armie was waiting for him to answer.

“Timmy? You in there?”

Shaking away the past, he tries to refocus on the present, which includes Armie standing several feet in front of him, asking him…something. He just can’t remember what. “Huh?”

Armie gives him a curious look before snorting quietly. “I asked if you wanted to play a little, give the old girl a chance to make beautiful music again.” Armie caresses the top of the piano gently and Timmy’s chest tightens with emotion. But even though a part of him would love to recreate some of his best memories of their time here, he’s not quite up for it now.

“Nah, I don’t think so.”

Armie’s face takes on a hint of disappointment for a brief minute, and Timmy wonders if he’ll press him more. But then suddenly the look is gone and Armie’s face transforms back into a mischievous grin. “You wanna see if the weed I stashed upstairs is still there? I bet no one found it after we cleared out.”

Timmy barely hears him, the visions of their past selves still lingering in his mind. But he manages to shake his head in answer, not sure he could handle getting high on top of the way he already feels right now. There’s a soft hum and then a pause before Armie’s voice wafts over to him again.

“Well, you brought us out here. So what’s your big plan? There must be something you want.”

Everything goes still around him for a minute as he turns Armie’s words over in his head. In fact, he hadn’t had any kind of real plan when he asked the driver to let them out so they could make their way to the villa. He’d been acting on the adrenaline pumping through his veins from the dance party and the pure instinct of finding ways to prolong his time with Armie however possible.

But hearing the words now, letting them settle in his chest as he tries to figure out exactly why he _did_ drag them here in the middle of the night, it all becomes suddenly clear. And he knows if he doesn’t speak his truth now, he won’t ever get this chance again.

“You.”

There’s a beat of silence, and all Timmy can hear is the rushing of blood in his own ears as he tries not to pass out. Armie has his back turned toward him, fingers still tracing over the piano keys, but eventually he turns his head slightly to the side, though not enough to meet Timmy’s eyes. “What?”

Timmy swallows around the lump in his throat and forces the words out, knowing there’s no turning back now. “You. I want _you_.”

Armie stills his wandering hand, bracing his other hand on top of the piano and leaning his head down. “T –“

He can sense Armie about to shut him down, and his heart jumps in his throat. “No wait, just…please. Don’t say anything, not yet. I need to do this.” He waits a beat to see if Armie will try to argue, but when all he does is clench his jaw, Timmy figures he should continue before he loses his nerve.

“This thing between us, I know you feel it, too. It’s been there since the beginning, but lately it’s been like this all-consuming energy surrounding us. And I can’t pretend like I don’t feel the way I do about you anymore. I think we could be something amazing. I _know_ we could. I can feel it, we were made to be something more than just co-stars, just friends. We have something special, and I can’t just walk away from that.”

When Armie finally turns to face him, Timmy isn’t prepared for the look of pure anguish on his face. “Timmy please, don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“Why does it have to be hard at all? I know you want this, too.”

Armie squeezes his eyes shut for a few seconds before opening them again. “That doesn’t matter. You know why we can’t do this.”

Something about the urgency of the moment makes Timmy feel stubborn and defiant, unwilling to yield to Armie’s attempts to shut him down. “Why not, if we both feel the same way?”

“Because I’m married, for one!” Armie runs a frustrated hair through his hair as the words explode from his lips. “Or did you not notice the leggy brunette who’s been hanging around?”

It’s not like Timmy had _forgotten_ about her, but the mention of her now stings in a way Timmy isn’t prepared for. “Yes, I’m well aware. She’s kinda hard to miss.” He doesn’t add the “especially lately” that he’s thinking, not wanting to divert the conversation from its intended course, but he had definitely noticed Liz’s increased presence on the tour in recent weeks, and despite generally getting along with her, he’d been growing frustrated at the situation.

“So then why are you even bringing this up? It’s not like she’s just gonna be ok with us having a thing on the side. We…can’t.”

Part of him feels like he should drop it, accept what Armie is saying and find a way to get past this. But the hint of pain and longing in Armie’s voice propels him to push just a bit more. He takes a few tentative steps toward Armie, stopping a few feet in front of him. “Listen, you know how much I adore Liz and I don’t mean any disrespect to her, but…it doesn’t seem like you’re truly happy in your marriage, at least not anymore.”

Armie’s head shoots up and he gives Timmy a sharp look, a clear warning to tread lightly, but when he doesn’t outright deny it, Timmy takes a deep breath and tries not to shake as he pushes on. “I think…I _know_ , you are so much happier when it’s just us. You are a completely different person around me than you are when she’s there. And you deserve to have that all the time. I know we can be happy together, please, let’s just try.”

He reaches his hands up to gently frame Armie’s face, and he can see the internal struggle play out all over Armie’s face, his eyes sliding closed as he lets Timmy’s thumbs caress his cheeks. For a brief second, Timmy thinks he’s won, that Armie will give into what they both want and need. But when Armie opens his eyes again, the pain behind them has doubled, and Timmy freezes.

“Please, Tim. Don’t do this.”

And with that, Armie takes a step back, and then another, Timmy’s hands falling from his face and landing at his side, dangling helplessly. Armie pauses for a second, and Timmy can see in Armie’s haunted expression how right he is, just how much Armie does want him, he just hasn’t allowed himself to accept the possibility that they could have it for real.

Timmy waits, breathless and unsure of what to say next, but then Armie turns and starts moving across the room. “Fuck, I’m starving.”

It takes Timmy a second to catch up, the abrupt shift causing his mind to go blank for several seconds. But then he blinks, and Armie is no longer in the room at all, and it’s only the faint sound of banging and frustrated muttering that clue him into where Armie went.

He pauses in the doorway to the kitchen, watching Armie open and close practically every cabinet in a vain search for some kind of food. “Armie, this place has been empty for over a year, I highly doubt there’s any food that is still good to eat.”

But Armie just ignores him, continuing his search like there’s a chance some amazing meal will somehow materialize if he keeps opening cabinet doors for long enough. After another minute of watching the fruitless endeavor, Timmy can’t take it anymore. He walks into the room and steps in front of Armie, grabbing his hands. “Armie, stop. There’s nothing here. Please, just talk to me.”

It only takes a few seconds for Armie to stop struggling, but he still can’t meet Timmy’s eyes. “There’s nothing to talk about. I already told you why we can’t be together.”

There’s a prick of frustration behind his eyes, but he tries to remain calm. “No, you gave me an excuse. Marriages end all the time. It’s not like it’s some earth-shattering thing.”

He can see Armie tense, takes a half a step back but doesn’t try to get out of Timmy’s grip. “Come on, Tim, you know it isn’t that easy.”

“Why not?”

“It will kill both of our careers!” Armie does tug himself free at that, putting several feet of space between them as he braces his arms on the counter. “And don’t tell me you don’t care about that, because you’ve been dreaming of a life as an actor since you can remember, and I’ve seen it. I know how important it is to you.”

Timmy can’t exactly deny Armie’s assertions, but he refuses to let him use it as a reason why they can’t be together. “Why does it have to be one or the other? My ability to act is not determined by who I’m fucking.”

The derisive scoff he gets in response is expected but still frustrating. “I know you’re not that naïve. You know how fucking homophobic Hollywood is, and talent hardly matters if they don’t think people will buy you as straight. Being with me would ruin everything you’ve been working toward.”

As much as he hates to admit it, Timmy knows there’s a part of what Armie is saying that’s true. But he isn’t ready to fully accept it. “You don’t know that. Look at how much everyone loves us together already. The press, the fans, even the critics are saying how much chemistry we have, how electric we are together. Maybe no one will care if we actually _are_ together.”

Another exasperated sigh leaves Armie’s mouth. “Timmy, you know why they love us right now? Because we’re selling a _fictional_ love story. It’s easy and safe for people to want to see us together right now, because in the back of people’s minds they know it isn’t real. But once this is over? That safety net goes away, and then there’s nothing left to protect us. And trust me, the reaction to the fantasy of us being together and the reality of it will be vastly different. I become a cheater, you become a homewrecker, and no amount of explaining how we feel about each other will ever fix that. It will follow us forever.”

Logically, Timmy knows Armie’s reasons make sense. But he’s way past the point of being logical in how he feels, and he isn’t about to give up now. “Maybe, or maybe we could be the exception. We could be the ones to rewrite the script on Hollywood romances, we could challenge the notion that you have to be straight to be successful. We can be that couple, I feel it. Fuck Hollywood, we will make our own way, together.”

The look Armie gives him is somewhere between hope and pity, and Timmy can feel his heart constricting as he waits for him to say something. “I’d love nothing more than for you to be right about that.” Armie pauses, and Timmy thinks maybe it’s a sign he’s going to say yes. But then Armie blows out a low breath, eyes turning cold and hard as he lifts them to meet his. “But it’s just a dream. A beautiful dream, but not one that is worth fucking up both of our lives for. We have been in a bubble these last months, and I won’t deny that I have feelings for you, and I wish things were different. But we would never work in the real world, Timmy. There’s just too much against us. I’m sorry.”

Armie turns to leave the room, and Timmy feels his desperation kick up a notch, feeling like everything he’s wanted is about to slip through his fingers even as he tries to hold onto it for dear life. He scrambles after Armie, only a few steps behind as Armie ducks into the study. His mind is racing, frantically trying to come up with another way to convince Armie not to give up on them. Losing Armie now, when they’re so close to having everything, would break him in a way he’s not sure he can come back from.

When he reaches the room, he’s out of breath, panting quietly for a few beats while Armie moves slowly through the small space, running his fingers over the books lining the shelves, over the random papers that are still stacked on the side of the desk, a postcard from one of the villa’s previous owners sticking halfway out.

“You know, I always loved this room. It’s not grand or elegant like some of the others, but it always felt the most real to me. Like I could see myself in it.”

Timmy knows he should go with the change in subject, allow Armie to direct them back to a safer path, away from things that could threaten to destroy their carefully crafted relationship. But he knows this is all about to end, and he can’t afford to be safe, not when he knows Armie feels the same way about him.

“You can see yourself here, but not with me?”

A long sigh comes from across the small space, and Armie hangs his head between his shoulder blades, faced away from him. “Timmy, please leave it alone.”

“No, I need to know why you won’t even let yourself try. It’s clear you want to, but you’re giving me all these bullshit excuses to talk yourself out of it. Why can’t you even consider the possibility?”

Silence stretches before them for a long beat before Armie finally turns around to meet his eyes. “Timmy, we’re in completely different places in our lives. You’re just getting started in your career, and I’ve got an entire decade on you, two kids and a whole host of responsibilities and you’re _so young_ –“

For the first time, true anger flashes through him, and he doesn’t even let Armie finish his thought. “Oh fuck you, Armie! Do _not_ throw the age argument at me. It’s never been an issue in our relationship up until now, you don’t get to use that as a reason not to be with me. And there’s only 9 years between us, by the way.”

“Timmy –“

“No, I’m not done. You don’t get to decide just because I’m younger that I don’t know what I want. I know _exactly_ what I want. I’ve known all along that what we have is something special, and I’m not about to let you diminish it just because we’re a few years apart in age. You may be older, but I’m not so sure you even know what’s best for yourself, and you damn well don’t get to decide for what’s best for me. And if I choose to be with you, it’s because I know we could be amazing together.”

Timmy doesn’t give Armie a chance to respond before he steps into his space, grabbing his hand and placing it over his own heart, which is beating rapidly in his chest. “You feel this? This is what happens whenever you’re near me. It’s just automatic at this point. I am so far gone for you, and I know you feel the same for me. Please, don’t throw everything we could be away because you’re too scared to try.”

They both stay completely still for a long moment, Armie’s eyes focused on his hand on Timmy’s chest. When he finally drags them up to meet Timmy’s, there are a thousand emotions swimming in the clear blue ocean of his irises, and Timmy’s breath catches. Armie’s hand presses harder against his chest and he can feel the faint thumping of Armie’s pulse as it speeds up to meet his own.

After what feels like an eternity, Armie takes a shaky breath in. “Fuck, I can’t…I can’t breathe. I need…I need some air.”

And before Timmy can even blink, he’s gone, the searing heat his hand leaves behind still burning through Timmy’s chest as he makes his way out of the room. Timmy can hear the clomping noise of Armie’s giant feet climbing the stairs, and though he is desperate to follow him, he figures he should give Armie a bit of space first. And he could benefit from a couple of minutes to compose himself, as well.

Once he’s calmed himself down enough and has a clearer head, he slowly makes his way up the steps, determined to make his case one last time, no matter what happens after that. As he steps into the long hallway on the second floor, he turns his head to see Armie on the balcony, leaning over the edge of the railing, a thin trail of smoke wafting up into the air in front of him.

An unshakable sense of déjà vu settles over him, bringing him back to the day they filmed the midnight scene. He only prays that things go as well for him now as they did for Elio, and suddenly a thousand butterflies start to flutter in his stomach at the thought. Swallowing thickly and taking a deep breath, he silently steps onto the balcony, stopping just behind Armie’s bent form.

He knows Armie can sense him there, though neither of them speak, and Armie doesn’t turn around. Several seconds pass without any movement or sound, until finally Armie straightens up and turns around, meeting Timmy’s eyes dead on. Interestingly, he doesn’t see the same stubborn resistance in them that he had before, but instead a sad resignation has replaced it, which Timmy thinks is even more heartbreaking. He can see how hard this is for Armie, and though he isn’t ready to give up on them, he also knows he can’t push much more right now without completely breaking him.

“I want to be with you, Armie. And I know it won’t be easy or perfect. But I want it all, the times we when fly and the times we fall. I want to have everything with you.”

Reaching a hand out, he carefully plucks the joint – which apparently Armie was able to find in his hidden stash – out from between Armie’s fingers and brings it to his own lips, taking a long hit. He can feel Armie’s eyes on him, tracking the movement. 

But before he releases the smoke, he slides his eyes back up to lock onto Armie’s just as he leans up on his toes and brings their faces within inches of each other. He sees the moment Armie realizes what he’s doing, and a ripple of satisfaction rolls through his body when Armie’s lips fall open on a silent gasp just in time for him to push the cloud of smoke he’s been holding out from his mouth and into Armie’s. Both of their eyes slide closed as Armie takes a stuttering inhale to complete the exchange, and Timmy slowly drops back onto his heels as he presses his lips to Armie’s throat.

They both stay perfectly still for a long moment, Timmy leaning into Armie as Armie supports them both with his back against the railing. He knows this is his last shot, and whatever happens after this is up to Armie. He slowly peels himself from Armie’s body and looks up into his eyes, letting every bit of emotion he feels show on his face.

“We could have everything.”

Armie’s eyes search his for a few agonizing seconds before they break away, looking down at the ground between them with a tiny sigh. Despite every instinct in his body screaming at him not to, Timmy somehow forces himself to pull away, unable to bear the ache in his chest any longer.

But he only gets about a foot before he hears a muttered, “Fuck you, Chalamet.” And before he even knows what’s happening, Armie’s mouth crashes onto his in a hungry kiss, desperate and needy and full of the wanton desire he’s seen on Armie’s face ever since Rome. Once he gets his bearings again, he returns the kiss with just as much fervor, opening up to Armie’s insistent tongue and reaching his arms up to wrap around Armie’s head, pulling them impossibly closer.

He isn’t sure how long they stay like that before Timmy has the sense to start moving them to the bedroom, walking backwards and pulling Armie with him, unwilling to let their mouths part for even a second to look where he’s going. He trusts Armie to make sure they don’t run into any walls, and soon he’s stepping over the threshold of what was used as Elio’s room in the movie, which thankfully still had a bed and a few other pieces of furniture in it.

The heat of Armie’s mouth is intoxicating, and when Armie’s hands snake into his hair and begin tugging at his curls, he feels his whole body jump into overdrive. There are suddenly far too many layers between them. He tries to figure out how to get their shirts off without having to break their kiss, and is annoyed when he realizes it’s impossible. 

Once he feels the backs of his knees hit the mattress, he slowly moves his lips down from Armie’s mouth to his neck, sucking gently for a second before continuing to his clavicle, licking up the bead of sweat that had formed there on their journey from the balcony. Reaching behind him, he pulls back just long enough to strip his shirt over his head before returning to Armie’s lips for one more kiss, which Armie eagerly returns.

But as amazing as Armie’s mouth feels, and he even kinda revels in the feel of Armie’s beard scraping along his smooth skin, he is more than ready to move things along. After one last nip to Armie’s bottom lip, he pulls back, lips wet and eyes blown, panting softly as he drops down to sit on the mattress, looking back up at Armie in clear invitation.

Armie stares back at him with eyes that are half-glazed over, and his heartbeat triples in anticipation. Reaching his hands out to land on Armie’s belt buckle, he tries not to tremble too hard as he attempts to undo the belt. He’s concentrating so hard that when Armie’s hands move to cover his, it takes him by surprise and he almost jumps out of his skin. But then Armie speaks.

“Wait, Timmy, stop.”

His mind is already half mush and the words don’t make any sense to him. “Huh?”

His fingers try to continue their task, but Armie’s hands suddenly tighten around his and pull them away from Armie’s body completely. “T, please. I…I thought – I’m so sorry, I can’t…I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

Timmy barely has enough time to look up and see the devastation in Armie’s eyes that matches his own before Armie is turning away, releasing his hands with a choked back sob and retreating from the room and back down the stairs.

Instead of following, of trying to figure out what happened and find a way to fix it, Timmy remains frozen on the bed for what feels like an eternity, a cold numbness taking over his entire body. He doesn’t know how long he stays there, alone, unable to move or think or feel. By the time he makes it back to the hotel, the sun is already peeking out over the horizon. And when he finally manages to bring himself to text Armie a few hours later, knowing they were all supposed to fly back to L.A. together later that afternoon, he gets no response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, despite the way it ends. Just a heads up, the next chapter will be the longest in the series, as it covers A LOT of stuff just in itself, and I can't break it up without screwing with the entire concept of the fic. And most likely I won't have it ready by Monday, but I am going to try and see what happens. Thank you all so much for reading! <333

**Author's Note:**

> Credit to the amazing and lovely bumblebeer07 on tumblr for the perfectly spot on description of Armie's voice in the last paragraph. <3


End file.
